Home.

A 15 hour flight with building emotions, carried me to a place I had began to forget. A life among others waited patiently for my return, the skin fit, I prayed that it wouldn't.
I watched the sky line fade from shades of deep blue and white, to a dull grey haze and constant mist. My heart beat faster, my world was changing dramatically within a few moments, within a few minutes I was home.

Waiting eagerly for my luggage, the thought of being out of this airport was turning into desperation. I stood impatiently and tried to fight the thoughts and emotions lingering from a painful goodbye to my best friend three days before. I day dreamed about life back in Cocoa and my old home, and the housemates that filled each room....
My bag was there and before I knew it, I was walking out of customs and looking in my fathers eyes. Their smiles filled my mind and I stepped into my old skin, held in tears; escaped unknowingly as I embraced my father and my brother.
America feels like another world, the adventures of riding bikes and tasting strange fried food and the people I met and heard their stories and shared coffee and tears with, it was all a faze.
America felt like a dream.

It is now 7am and the sun hasn't risen, The cold in my room has woken me, forced me to put on layers of clothes to fight it. I dig my hands further into my Boarders For Christ hoodie, wrapping it tight around me to keep the warmth of my body in. My feet have 3 layers of socks and my skin crawls with bumps reacting to the cold.... I lay here listening to Reign of Love and reread my journal..

"some people do not have to search, for they find their niche early in life and rest there, seemingly contented and resigned. at times, i envy them but usually i do not understand them... and seldom do they understand me. i am one of those searchers. there are, i believe, millions of us. we are not unhappy, but neither are we completely content. we continue to explore ourselves; hoping to understand. we like to walk along the beach; we are drawn to the ocean, taken by its power and unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. we like forests, mountains, deserts, hidden rivers and lovely cities aswell. our sadness is as much a part of our lives as our laughter. we are ambitious only for life itself and for anything beautiful it can provide. most of all, we want to love and be loved, to live in a relationship that will not impede our wanderings and prevent our search. we do not want to prove ourselves to others of compete for love. (this passage is for wanderers, dreamers and lovers who dare to ask of life everything which is good and beautiful.)"

remember grace and hope

love gem
xox